Yesterday another baby died in Montreal.  I heard it on the radio.  In the middle of the night the parents called 911 to say their 3 month old daughter was not breathing.

“Police probe death of infant girl”

Montreal police are investigating the death of a three-month-old baby girl, but stress that so far there is no indication of foul play…..Officers are expected to determine if the baby was sleeping with its parents or in a crib….”

Uh-oh…you know what’s coming…

Later the same day on the evening television news, a paediatrician is declaring that babies should never sleep in the same bed with their parents – they could suffocate.  Is this what is meant by “what goes around comes around?”

My four babies did not sleep in my bed, that was definitely a no-no.   My babies slept in a crib, alone in a room of their own. I didn’t sleep too well – new baby/new mother (every time) – but still I followed the rules.  My babies did not suffocate – they grew up and had babies of their own.  And their babies slept in the bed with them, and I was so sad, not from fear they would suffocate but from longing for what we had all missed, my babies and me and their dad.  I felt I had been cheated.  I felt embarrassed that I had been so stupid to obey, to succumb to the fear of what was natural and beautiful and as old as humanity.

So, we’re back to the fear thing, are we?  Perhaps it is even a criminal thing now that every human act may be criminal, every mistake may be a big one.  Watch out!

Just one question.  I will address it to the very same paediatrician who spoke for the cameras last night:  Sir, did you ever hear of “crib death”, now they call it  SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome?

The media is “just doing its job” – dutifully reporting what the police say.  O.K.  But then, why don’t they interview another paediatrician, one who perhaps advocates infants sleeping in the same bed with their parents?  Because if they don’t even mention that there are such experts, that there is another point of view on this subject, then everyone who believes what they hear on the radio/read on the website or in the paper, will suffer from fear of death in their own bed.

And that’s not the only thing to have fear of these days.  Shall we count them?  Oh let’s limit ourselves to raising children – how about old fashioned playgrounds with swings and slides and merry-go-rounds on asphalt pavement.   Yikes!! Concussion, broken bones, scraped knees. Oops, first I should have mentioned riding a tricycle without a helmet. omg.  Then go on up the years.  I do believe in helmets for bikes, I do believe in seat belts and car seats, I do believe in taking a chance on life.

From the moment we are born until the day we die, we could stop breathing for one reason or another.  Who is going to publish the voluminous catalogue of how best to limit the possibilities – never do this and never do that and always do this.  Take care!  And if something bad happens, well, it shouldn’t have,  You must have done something wrong or failed to do something you should have.  Someone has to be blamed.  It is simply not accepted that bad things happen.

Whenever a bad thing is reported, the very next line is about the investigation to determine the cause and who is responsible. The implication is that we can fix it so it will never happen again.  Fix the cause, punish the perpetrator. We can do that – we live in the modern world, science and technology – we know how to fix things.  We know how to fix people, one way or another.

So trust and rejoice that the world is getting safer for our children, relax -  but not too much.  Study the do’s and dont’s.  Listen carefully.  And above all,  Make no mistake, it is a culture of fear we live in.

©Elaine A. Zimbel 2010

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